i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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