Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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