i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
