when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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