Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
