I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
