i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
