and she was petting her beer can
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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