i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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