He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
