wat bout pragnant strippers??
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
