If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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