My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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