do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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