It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
