I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
