I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
