At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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