If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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