Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
