You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
