Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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