so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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