i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
