The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
