Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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