needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
