fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
