Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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