I'm passing your future prison.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
