You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
