maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
