Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
