The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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