the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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