After last night, I could never be a politician.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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