we made out on top of his cat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
