Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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