Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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