I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
