remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
