shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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