so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
