Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
