I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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