This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
