I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
