So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
