remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
