I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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