I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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