the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
