I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
