I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
