Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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