U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
