i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
