I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize