glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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