he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
