If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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