I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
