I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
