How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
