So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize