I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
