Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
