Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
