Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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