i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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