I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize