I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
