I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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