ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
