my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
