His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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