i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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