I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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