just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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