O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
