Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
