When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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