tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
