I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
