if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
