I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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