I wanna bring you to show and tell
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
