Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
