its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
