Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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