I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
