While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize