CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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