one two three fourrrrnication!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
