drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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