just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
